Be Brave! Your Story Is For My Glory.

This letter has caused countless sleepless nights! Each time I believed I had a clear thought process of how to write this, I felt God emphatically say, “No, not yet.” Listening to HIS direction has been the overwhelming thread throughout our journey, so while I truly felt great guilt not putting onto paper the letters in my head, I knew I could not move forward until God said, “Yes. Now write.”

The early letters written in my head were filled with just expressions of deep gratitude for how you supported Tom’s financial request to send us on our mission. I wanted to tell you we felt your continual prayers as we ventured to the Redwoods. We absolutely could never have fulfilled this call without you! Your love and prayers carried us as if we were flying on angel’s wings. Thank you!

As the days and weeks passed on  our trip, we wanted to tell you every miracle experienced. I longed to share the daily interactions we had with people as God brought them to us in the most unusual ways. We shared Christ’s love over and over with people in meetings only God could have arranged. I wanted to admit to you that as we shared Christ with countless strangers, I came to believe those interactions were the sole reason for the trip. As God so often does, He revealed His perfect plan is so much bigger than we could ever imagine. The next letters I wrote you were a complete disaster!  WHY? Because there are no words in any language to describe how, just as he foretold, we met God in the forest.

Now I sit with fingers perched on an anxious keyboard desperate to pour everything out to you. Yet there are no words. I could share the facts of the encounter, but that would be a disservice to God’s power that lifted me. I could clumsily try to recount the feeling, but I would not have words for God’s might and presence. I could try to walk you through the experience, but it cannot be captured with mere words. As all these emotions cascade on me, for hours I am lost in tears of love for God who is so great and so beyond our comprehension.

So here we are. The cursor on my computer has been blinking right here on this paragraph for three months. I keep waiting for God’s direction to move this letter forward. How can I share the intensity with you when I am still trying to wrap my head around it all???

Tom and I sat in a motel room looking at the ocean and listening to the seals bark at us for three days because we couldn’t find words to talk to each other about what we’d just experienced. I was flooded with so many questions I wanted answered, while simultaneously wanting to do nothing but sit in God’s love and be grateful. I begged Tom to do what he does best; lead us to God’s word. I wanted him to show me in scripture what it all means! As the days passed, I didn’t know how to keep the world out of my head. The questions started innocently. I know I drove sweet Tom batty asking him if people in the Bible who received miracles ever had them reversed?

“Honey, the blind man who could see after Jesus healed him; was he ever blind again? The leper Jesus healed; was his leprosy gone permanently or was it just for that day? How long did their miracles last? What did their family say? Did the community accept them? TOM, I NEED THEIR BACKSTORY! WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM AFTER THE MIRACLES????”

The progression of anxiety in my questions confused even me! “I am a God-centered woman. Why am I bouncing all over the place??” I chastised myself relentlessly asking, “WHY ARE YOU AFRAID TO EMBRACE A MIRACLE?” The answers to that question are not easy to share. These may not make sense to those who haven’t fought a long-term disease, yet they are INCREDIBLY real. Here are just a few:

1. Survivor Guilt is real and extremely painful. Watching your fellow disease-fighters succumb while you are still here is very difficult. Survivors walk a complicated line of wanting to share good news, while being sensitive and respectful to those who have lost loved ones.
2. Compassion Fatigue from friends and family is rampant and hurts deeply.
3. When you do not follow the herd in typical treatments as they think you should, the backlash is swift and severe.
4. Everybody is cheering for a great miracle, until it happens. Then the naysayers become VERY loud and ugly. The counter-blasts Tom and I have faced ranged from confusing and bizarre to truly wicked. As tough as some think I am, the thought of dealing with it again was, as Tom says, ‘EATING MY LUNCH.’ So I went back to silence and waited for God’s guidance.  

I want to state this clearly; I have NOT been told I am NED (No Evidence of Disease). I am awaiting repeated test results. Here’s what we know for sure; I had not been able to eat solid food easily in several months because of throat tumors, but am now eating without any issues. I had progressed almost entirely to a wheelchair and was unable to stand unassisted from the severe pain of the metastasized cancer in my spine. I no longer use a wheelchair, a cane or need any other assistance to walk. I am 100% free of pain. I was ‘yellowing’ from organ failure. Today my skin, eyes, etc are all clear, and the lab results indicate my liver numbers are normal. I have no need to continue with any type of hospice care. “I do not yet have a medical answer for this,” is the summation received from my oncologist. 

In the months spent waiting and listening for God to lead how and when it is appropriate to share details of our encounter with Him, our country has spiraled into what we believe is an intense war between GOOD & EVIL.

As a result of renewed strength God has given me, INNOVATIVE TRUTH jumped in where led. With your continued love, financial support and prayers, we have met non-stop with people feeling lost and broken by the evil fighting so hard to steal and destroy. There is a lot to say about how God is leading YOUR MINISTRY onto the battlegrounds to redeem HIS children from evil! Without shame we admit to you, it has at times been frightening, and exhausting. Yet, God renews our spirits daily, we rise grateful and are made ready for the on-going challenge.

HAND IN HAND WE WALK WITH YOU into this battle, ready to re-write the headlines with what we unequivocally know, “GOD LOVES BIG!”

In His immovable, unshakeable, steady strength, He loves YOU! We are siblings interconnected by our Father’s fierce love no matter our individual sin-laced journey; as He offers forgiveness like NO OTHER HAS OR WILL. He uses it all to weave His masterpiece.

We close for now by sharing one of the things GOD told us that day in the forest,
“BE BRAVE. YOUR STORY IS FOR MY GLORY.”
                                                                          In the palm of His hands,

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